


Dirty F*ckers, All of 'em

by imorca



Category: The Walking Dead RPF
Genre: Friendship, Humor, McReedus - Freeform, Twitter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-14
Updated: 2017-02-14
Packaged: 2018-09-24 10:37:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9719462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imorca/pseuds/imorca
Summary: A suggestion of how a conversation about twitter might have gone...





	

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the http://caryl-bettertogether.tumblr.com Mcreedus Fanfiction Challenge. Prompt: “28. I’ve been really trying baby, trying to hold back this feeling for so long.” I know the standard for McReedus has become NC-17, but I decided to go a very different route. Judge me as you will. Originally posted on NineLivesArchive.com on June 1, 2014.
> 
> Disclaimer: This story is a fictionalized account using the names, general information about, and elements gleaned from the public statements of Real People. All publicly recognizable names, images, characters, dialogue, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original plot is the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, nor with any real persons referenced. No copyright infringement is intended, nor offense meant. Fiction is fiction, a documentation of what can only be fantasy and speculation.

“Norman, you didn’t!”

“What? I’ve got a ton of followers, and they dig you. I introduced you.”

“But...but – you called me... _that_.”

“It’s just internet-speak. You know how they get. When they like something it’s all ‘let’s name it and tag it.’ Besides they ate it up, didn’t they? Got you a bunch of attention.”

“It’s not exactly good attention.” She rubbed at a spot where the “dirt” was causing her to itch. Her skin was sensitive and it wasn’t easy to deal with the combination of the sun, heat, and make-up. The special formula their make-up effects team doused them liberally with to keep them looking grungy tended to irritate if it was on too long. Today was going on 9 hours. They had started just as the dawn peaked over the horizon, and the last fiery pinks and reds of sunset were settling now.

Norman’s hair caught the light, and it looked much closer to his natural sandy blonde as a result. She knew that for a good portion of the roles he’d played his hair had been darkened. But, she couldn’t help that she preferred not only herself but her friends being allowed to display their natural features – especially for a show in a world where cosmetology wouldn’t exist. She wondered how soon it would be until the fans started picking on Daryl’s strange aesthetic progression.

They were leaning against the craft services table and snacking on the fresh fruit that was provided. They all had to adhere to a strict regime this season, as the characters were supposed to be struggling for resources – not eating as well or as often as needed to be healthy. Norman was peeling his second orange, the pith and pigment of the rind turning his nails a color close to the sky. He liked to draw that creepy meme-orange from internet videos on it and play funny little skits before he dug in. Melissa shook her head. She bet his son found him more a brother than a father.

“What do you mean?” he said around a mouthful of juicy fruit. “It’s cute! It's all, like, a little creature with floppy ears that go ‘fap, fap’. It’s adorable,” he scoffed as he jostled her shoulder, “like you, Mel.”

“Um, it’s not...exactly ‘adorable.’ I thought you were all savvy about your accounts on the social sites.”

He continued to chew and looked at her with a quirked brow, obviously confused by her insistence.

“Have you ever googled ‘fap’? Or looked it up in ‘The Urban Dictionary’?”

“No.” He wrinkled his brow as her and pulled off another segment. “Should I?” he asked as he popped it into his mouth.

“Where’s your phone? Let me.” Melissa pitched the peel of her consumed banana in the trash and held out her now empty hand for him to pass the device over.

Wiping his fingers on his pants (she couldn’t decide which got filthier from the contact), he dug into his pocket and pulled the phone free. With a quick flick he typed in his password before handing it over.

Melissa opened his search app and found the definition from urbandictionary.com, smirking to herself as she reread it. _The onomatopoeic representation of masturbation. Often used to suggest that something is attractive._

“How did you hear about it, anyway?” she asked, pretty sure she knew the answer.

“Aw, you know, those fan groups use it all the time. I’m pretty sure ‘fappymcfapsteim’ was one of them Dixon’s Vixens or Norman’s Nymphos things. Those girls are so awesome. It’s like having a whole PR crew – and they don’t want anything but a retweet or a follow. They are amazing.”

Melissa knew that her smile was devilish as she handed his phone back to Norman. She watched as he turned the screen so he could read. When he nearly choked on his half-chewed orange piece she could not stop herself from laughing.

“Oh, shit, Mel! I called you – What the fuck!?”

“I’d say so. Exactly right!”

Norman was such an easy blusher, and his cheeks were becoming red. He ducked his head and covered his eyes as he mumbled in embarrassment while he finished the piece of fruit and swallowed, then cleared his throat.

When he met her gaze again, he still looked a little embarrassed.

“Really, Melissa, I’m sorry. I hope you didn’t get offended.” And then the mischief sparked behind his eyes, and she was laughing even before he spoke again, having guessed where his mind would go. “But, you know...I wasn’t wrong.”

She laughed aloud. “Ha! Oh! Norman. You are ridiculous!”

He shrugged and gave her his best “lecherous” look. “Hey. You know I don’t have much control over myself like that, right? I’m kind of a dog. And you look like a milkbone to me!”

She batted at his arm and laughed harder.

“What? You don’t think I’ve walked the poodle with you?”

“Norman! Stop it!”

He tipped his chin at her and pushed off the table. Over his shoulder he called back, “ _I’ve been really tryin’, baby / tryin’ t’hold back this feeling for so long_ ,” his voice lilting into a vague imitation of Marvin Gaye.

“Fap, fap, Melissa! Fap. Fap.” Then to her humorous delight, he made a showy display of adjusting his crotch as he walked.

Finally he stopped just before he left the shelter of the canopy over the tables and turned back.

“Dirty fuckers. All of ‘em. I even asked what it meant and they didn’t tell me.”

Still chuckling, Melissa waved him away.  “I’m sure my reputation will survive.”

Norman stuck his tongue rhythmically into his cheek in a bawdy display. “I’d say it rose. Or...maybe that was just me.”

Her snort in response was not ladylike at all.


End file.
